So I’ve decided (a little late) to do a countdown to Christmas. I’m going to post one of my favorite Christmas songs every day, starting 12 days before Christmas…i’ve started one day late, so I’m going to post two songs today…Enjoy! :)
Where am I right now? I’m lying on my bed trying to pull myself together.
Why, you might ask?
Because, you know, I am so utterly stressed out right now: I have to take the act this Saturday, and make a score higher than a 29, I have to work on chair tryout music/all-state music because I haven’t even looked at any of it (chair tryouts are sometime this month, and all-state is next month), sometime before next Saturday I have to buy supplies for and make presents for and cook something for 6 people, I have a Christmas party to go to the 16th, I have to help decorate for Christmas this Friday, I have to find sometime to clean up my wreck of a room, and in between ALL of that, I have to find time for homework from 3 AP classes and 2 core classes.
And I have had a bad day. Wanna hear about it? Of course you don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway.
So, I do lyrics once every 3 weeks for my dad. Which involves waking up extra early on Sunday and going to church before 8 am. (I didn’t get to sleep yesterday either because I had an AP study session from 8 am to 2:30 pm. Lovely. ) This weekend is also the weekend of our Christmas program thingy at church. (we had rehearsal for that Wednesday night that I had to attend. I had to leave recharge early to do lyrics. And then it lasted two hours, and after it was over I had to wait even longer to assist my father. yet. again. ) So since it’s my week to do lyrics, I got to do lyrics AGAIN tonight. You know what was tonight at church? A chili cookoff. So, of course, I had to make a dessert. And once it was all over, I was in a bad mood.
Oh, but just wait. The pity party continues. I get home, finally sitting down in a dark room to watch The Next Iron Chef, and I realize I have to print out an application for Samford Honor Band and mail it by tomorrow. NBD, right? Of course, it had to turn into a major disaster as well. I go to print the page–just ONE page–and the printer won’t print it. So I wait a few minutes and unplug the printer, then plug it back in and turn it back on. Then I try again. And again. And. Again. By the time I am turning into a homicidal maniac, it finally decides to print. And thus, my breakdown.
My weekend was ruined. My mental state is down the drain. I’m so exhausted. I’m completely through with any sort of geniality. To top it all off, I’m hungry.
And besides, I still haven’t even mentioned my relationship with Jesus. It’s already been through the garbage disposal, and is being deposited into the ocean to drown until I have time to worry about it. Yes, that’s harsh, but seriously? That’s what it feels like. Because I am too stressed out to even think straight, and because I am a lazy bum. Oh yes, self-hate goes along with the pity party. Because right now, I hate almost every single facet of my being.
Yup. It’s been a bad week. Jesus seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth, you are reading this wondering why I’m not in a mental institution, I’m wondering when this will end, and really, I’m just done with life.
What I wanted most tonight? I wanted someone to recognize that I was hurting. I wanted someone to pull me aside and ask how I was doing–how I was really doing. I wanted someone to notice, and to comfort me. I just wanted a friend.
But I’ll live…most likely. :)
This past weekend:
-Craft day on Saturday at Kaleigh’s house. One of the most fun things I’ve done in a while. We (attempted) to make these balloon egg things (thanks Pinterest). We messed something up…they were a FAIL. Then we drew designs on old t-shirts with a bleach pen. It looked pretty awesome. We made some t-shirt flowers…some of us did. And some of us made blobs of fabric that, in no universe, could be viewed as a flower (that would be me…). And we started on something called a Kissing Ball. You make flowers out of crepe paper streamers and glue them onto a styrofoam ball. It was the best project, I think (cause mine actually turned out cute!). Overall, craft day was AWESOME. Maybe try to be a little less ambitious because we only finished half of our projects we had planned on doing…you should try one with your friends sometime. (:
-Lion King in 3D Saturday night. It. Was. Awesome. It was actually more funny than when I was a kid. We sang along with all of the songs in the movie: awesome, I know. Oh, and there was this one part where Rafiki (that weird monkey dude) said STOP and there was a long pause, and the kid in front of us was like, “Hammertime!” It. Was. Hilarious.
-And then we went to walk around Bridge Street after the movie, and security told us we either needed to go get our parent/guardian or leave…talk about an awkward moment…yeah.
-Sunday we had the first Praise Team practice from 2-3 at church. I can’t wait to see how God is going to use this ministry! I’m super excited!
Tomorrow:
-I have to take the PSAT. Yuck. But please pray that I do awesome, because if I do, I could get some scholarships, and I need them. (:
Next Week:
-FALL BREAK!!! I can’t wait to go to the beach! And the shrimp festival. And the outlet mall. And everything else! Aahhh! SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!
All these AP classes I’ve been taking at school are really stressing me out. I have to worry about learning all the material, and then recalling all the material in a high pressure test, and making a passing grade on the test, and making a high enough score so I can get full college credit. Needless to say, it is one major, major, major distraction from my relationship with God.
Another thing: I’ve been reading in my quiet time, along with the bible, a book by A. W. Tozer called The Pursuit of God. I love it. First of all, I love the way Tozer writes. His writing is just so elegant, so beautiful, and it just makes perfect sense to me. I want to share a few quotes with you that I read last night:
“‘Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God’ (Hebrews 11:3). Again, we must remember that God is referring here not to His written Word, but His speaking Voice. His world-filling Voice is meant, that Voice which antedates the Bible by uncounted centuries, that Voice which has not been silent since the dawn of creation, but is sounding still through the full far reaches of the universe.”
“In the living, breathing cosmos, there is a mysterious Something, too wonderful, too awful for any mind to understand. The believing man does not claim to understand. He falls to his knees and whispers, ‘God.'”
Well, that’s all my thoughts on life in the present. (:
my journey to compassion 